What Would My College Life Be Without Medical Dramas?

Everyone knows that a big part of college is binge watching great shows on Netflix whether you're avoiding your responsibilities or having a night in with friends. This past year I have torn through two great shows on the lovely creation that is Netflix: Grey's Anatomy and House. I finished ten seasons of Grey's in under a month and I am tearing through House as I write because of all the free time I have had in the past two weeks because of snow.

When I was a sophomore and junior in high school I took a class in healthcare science because I thought I wanted to be in the medical field (I later discovered I wouldn't last a day in med school so that ship sailed long ago) and also it sounded awesome and it was! I met one of my good friends Erica there and I was introduced to House. We watched the series out of order because my teacher only had certain seasons so I had seen some of the episodes before but to see them come together now in one story is amazing.

So if you watch Grey's you know why it's awesome. We've got great character development in it and the surgeries they do on the show are interesting so you learn things while watching which I love. I've always been a medical junkie while at the same time being on the fence about my own personal feelings about the practice of medicine since I grew up in a world of doctor's appointments as a young child if that makes sense. Anyways, Grey's has Patrick Dempsey and Eric Dane who are very fun to look at in my opinion.

House, though, is awesome in a totally different way. House is more focused on the medical aspect as it's kind of like a Sherlock Holmes type show with medical mysteries. House has character development too, but it's more of a backdrop to the mystery. Plus, Hugh Laurie playing the sassy and brilliant character of House is kind of amazing as is his American accent when he's actually British. Another great aspect of the show is his friendship with Wilson, played by Robert Sean Leonard (who I absolutely fell in love with) because hopefully we all have our own friend like Wilson is to House so that makes it so relatable.

So they're both awesome!

                                                                   

T Minus 20

I'm in love.

Not with someone, not even close, but with something.

I wrote an earlier post about finding my purpose in life at my very young age and as I get closer to one of the biggest milestones in my campaign I can't stop thinking. I am t-minus 20 days from one of the biggest days of my life, actually. I'm not one to believe in Fate or Destiny but somehow I feel like when I made the choice to do this with my life that this day would come sooner or later.

It kind of feels like a wedding day of sorts: I need everything to be planned, as close to perfect as it can be, and I'm even already planning my outfit, I have a location picked out, and I'll be with my mom for this important day.

Also like a wedding I'm sure I'll cry at some point during the day and that I'll need tons of cake after it's over. There won't be speeches about me, but silence to remember others and to reflect on what I'm going to do after I leave the museum because going will change my life.

Sounds just like a wedding to me.Why do we only have weddings for marriage? I think everyone has some sort of career wedding, and in that sense yes I'm marrying young. And I'm happy with my choice.

I talked to the  head of Accessibility Services at the museum and she has pu in my request for the Highlight Tour! It's so cool to speak to the people at the museum because they are so helpful and I absolutely love them!

Holocaust Museum Houston, Getting Ready For DC, And Kind Words

As I continue preparing the logistics for my trip to DC I'm also mentally preparing. I've heard wonderful things about the museum in DC as well as how moving it is. Coming from a city with a small museum like the Breman I had never really thought about the bigger museums.

That is, until Houston.

HMH (Holocaust Museum Houston) is the fourth largest Holocaust museum in the nation. I went last summer with my aunt and uncle when I visited them. HMH had so many things I had never seen before: a large memorial at the entrance with the names and locations of entire villages wiped out by the Nazis all across Europe, a garden to remember the children, a ship used to carry Danish Jews to safety the of Sweden, a hall of remembrance, the cattle car that deported Jews to Auschwitz that you can stand in.

A cattle car.

I wish I could describe the feeling of standing in that car and the thoughts your mind races through but no words can. An overflow of all sorts of emotions hit you and it isn't until you step out of the cattle car and leave the museum that they really hit you and they come in tsunami waves. I don't remember the ride home from the museum but I do remember getting home and going to the room where I was staying in my aunt's house, shutting the door, and sobbing for two hours. Yes, two whole hours of my day I spent crying.

I'm glad I saw HMH though, because it is helping me prepare mentally for USHMM. I have no doubt going to the USHMM will change me and if I said I was ready I'd be lying. Even I can't be fully prepared for it and I accept it.

Yesterday I received a text from my long time friend Alex. She and I have known each other since we were probably three and four years old. It was totally unexpected and super thoughtful. She said, "Hey Helon, hope you've been doing well. I'm reading your blog and I love it! You are such a talented writer and I see you going so far in life spreading awareness of the Holocaust through your writing. I wish I had something I was that passionate about already." Even though we are in two different states at different schools this message meant the world to me. It's things like this that let me know I am on the right path. Thank you, Alex! I love you!

Below is a link to a video put out by the USHMM called "What You Do Matters". I think everyone should watch it in light of the rising prejudices against many groups worldwide. We need to stand against this.

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3NGS13P5Jf8&list=PLWQC3P4psZP5ZW5nlverJwusMzAD_Gybz&index=4

A Dream Three Years in the Making

Guys, in two weeks one of my long term dreams is going to come true.

I am finally going to the United States Holocaust Memorial Museum after three years of wishing I could go! My mom and I are going to go over my spring break and I'm super excited. I've been preparing for this for three years and trips to other Holocaust museums, but this is the big one. This is the biggest Holocaust memorial in the country.

We are going to go on what's called the Highlight Tour. It's for low-vision visitors like me and they have things enlarged to see better and the tour also has aspects that aim to focus on other senses since some blind people take this option of a tour. For low vision people they use flashlights and give you magnifying glasses to help you out.

I chose to do this option because with the low vision tour the crowds most likely will be more manageable. I think if I wanted I could do the normal tour just fine but I want to make sure I have enough room to actually walk around and see things. This tour option, I think, will give me the best experience possible.

We are also going to celebrate my mom's birthday while we're in DC so that should be fun too. It's been ten years since we've been and I am super excited to spend a fun two days with my momma. I love taking trips where it's just me and my mom, they're so much fun!

Here are some pictures from my previous visits to other museums!

Knowing What I Want To Do So Young?

Some people get married young, some enter the workforce young, some people know what they want to do with the rest of their lives young. All three of these are somehow looked down upon by society in a way. Why would such a young person know they've found the One? Why would someone not go to college and get a job out of high school? What do eighteen/nineteen year olds know about themselves, right?

I fall into the third category. Since my junior year I knew I wanted to preserve the history of the Holocaust and teach it to others. I'm not a schoolteacher-type person but that doesn't mean I can't teach others if I'm not in a teacher's position. I do not want to be a teacher, but I know I have a passion and sense of importance surrounding what I do.

This March I'm having an article on the Holocaust education resources we have in Georgia published by an Atlanta bimonthly paper called the Jewish Georgian. I am so lucky for this opportunity to assert myself in this field while I'm still young. Some people might think that I'm just experimenting with different career options at my age but somehow I know I'm on the right path with my life. I might end up doing something else as a main career, but I'm certain the underlying reason why I make a career choice in the future will be because I have an opportunity to continue educating.

So I guess in a way I'm kind of lucky to know what I want. I'm the type of person who knows her own mind and I really like that.

I May Not Be Beautiful or Dateable, But I'm Determined

In the 21st Century young love seems to be an important thing for a lot of women. Besides getting an education some women go to college to see who they can find to date and maybe marry. I'm not downing that at all but that's so far behind on my personal list of things right now at this stage of my life I just don't think that it's practical for me.

I don't see myself as a physically beautiful girl, but I do know that I am determined to do something with my life and that makes up for my lack of beauty. That's a factor that I hate to say a good percentage of college guys don't like in girls. I'm ambitious and perhaps so much so that I would unknowingly neglect a person that I was dating to pursue my campaign of remembrance and that would lead to them dumping me. While that might seem kind of selfish it probably is true. So I may not be a dateable girl and that's fine.

I feel like I need to be doing something bigger than dating with my life. Why devote myself to one person when there is a whole generation wishing for me and other people to carry on their stories so they aren't lost to history? Why would I do something as trivial as date when I need to be impacting the world?

I'm a feminist and I know that. But I don't want this to sound anti-dating. I'm fine with the concept but I see it as unrealistic for someone like me who has so much of myself dedicated to something so much bigger than most girls my age. Maybe one day a man will respect my ambitions and let me continue my work while seeing him and that'd be pretty cool.

Would I Rather Be Able Bodied?

I am 19 and I am disabled.

Of course I never use that as an excuse for anything but I've been seeing a lot of parents of special needs kids in the group I volunteer for called CHASA repost things from blog sites about having a disabled child so I'm going to weigh in here. Not all the posts I've seen are like this but it seems to me a lot of the authors of the blogs write in a way that attracts pity, whether they want it or not. I think this has got to stop.

If you have a child who was born different from others, a lot of these moms who write blogs say they can't stop comparing their kids to able bodied kids. I'm not a mom so maybe I don't quite fully understand where they're coming from, but as a disabled teenage girl comparing myself to others my age is just stupid. Why would I wish I looked like the cheerleader? Why would I wish I was into One Direction rather than studying the Holocaust? As a teen girl that sounds crazy so why are parents of young children born differently comparing their kids to others and not enjoying their unique kid?

A lot of people who don't understand what it's like to be disabled also are quite unaware of the set of etiquette rules for interacting with disabled people. Over the years I have gotten everything from people's pity to blunt and forward questions about why I walk the way I do and if I'm in chronic pain. To the first type of question I usually tell people that it isn't their place to ask if that's the first thing they can think of when they approach me. To the latter, it kind of shocks me. No I'm not in chronic pain at all but it makes me wonder if it looks that way to others.

A lot of disabled people don't want pity from others. Yes, we had something that we really couldn't do anything about happen to make us this way and no, some of us don't feel bad for ourselves so neither should you. Some of us don't sit around comparing ourselves to our peers, instead we get involved in any aspect of life that we can. We actually appreciate little things more than anyone else. And that's something I'm proud of.

Do Holocaust Scholars Ever Get Overwhelmed?

I've been doing a lot of thinking about what I do lately since this week had International Holocaust Remembrance Day, so that's the reason for all these notes. If you enjoy them, then great. If you don't that's okay too. Anyway, last weekend my friends went home to see their families and I stayed at school to help a friend work on a Holocaust themed legal paper. Since I had the room to myself for two nights I decided to watch Schindler's List since I can only really do that when I'm truly alone but I'll get to that in a second.

I watched the film over two nights because it's such a long one. The first night I was okay, but then again I had saved the real part that gets me to break down for the next night so there's that. The second night I had spent the day helping my friend with her paper for the chunk of the day before watching it. If you've seen the movie you know the end and if you haven't you need to watch it. So after I finished the movie I called my friend Amanda who was home from college. She and I talked about her mom forgetting to upload some pictures for a minute and she started laughing and so did I. And then out of the blue I started sobbing, like full on sobbing.

Schindler's List is the only movie I have ever sobbed over. Sure in eighth grade Twilight got a few tears out of me as did the last two Harry Potter movies, but never had a movie hit me like Schindler's List and I doubt none ever will again. the thing about it is, you have the reaction the first time you finish the movie and then are left to process it and that reaction is why most people only watch it once in heir lifetime and I don't blame them. If you watch it a second time you think you'll be prepared.

Wrong.

I've seen the full movie about five times and have a worse reaction each time. It's not because I don't know what's coming, but because I'm fully aware of it. And it's one of those movies that doesn't leave you after you turn it off. It becomes a part of you.

So what does watching Schindler's List have to do with Holocaust studies other than the obvious?

To me, I think it reinforces why I do what I'm doing. It reminds me why I need to help Holocaust education reach people in the present times. It reminds me that one person can make a difference. And it also reminds me that when you work in this area like I do, you break down. It may not be often, but you do because the reality of the history consumes you whe you physically see it. I think that only a selected few people are chosen to work in Holocaust studies because of that and because we keep the memory alive we can piece ourselves back together after we break down and continue on with our work.

I'm very pleased and passionate about what I do.

After Auschwitz 70

Yesterday was hard for me, I won't lie and say it wasn't.

Why, you ask? When a person chooses to undertake the preservation of one of the darkest chapters of human history it can be overwhelming to the point of devastation. Yesterday I said little with the exception of talking in class or to my suite mates because I wanted the day to be completely about reflection and that is what I got. I got a day to converse with myself and dig deeper into why I might have been chosen to keep this message alive. 

I streamed the ceremonies at Auschwitz live on the website so I got a chance to watch history. I got the chance to see what might be the last "milestone" anniversary of liberation that survivors en masse will make it to. As I watched, there were things that moved me to tears. Survivor Roman Kent said in his speech, "If I could make an eleventh commandment it would be that no one is allowed to be a bystander." This is the crux of Never Again in my mind. Especially with the anti-Semetic and other attacks rooted in prejudice that have been going on recently this statement is a cry to the world. It's 2015, so why does it look almost like 1933? We cannot let this go on.

When you go as deeply into the Holocaust as I have, many wonder if you can come out. The truth is that you can't. Things resonate and stay with you, you cry for people you did not know, and you gain a new perspective on what hate can do. It's harrowing and it can sometimes drown you completely. I've found that a lot of the times I have to take a step away from it to reconnect with life around me. As a historian, my mind dwells a lot in the past and I'm thankful that I can come back to the present when the past is too much.

Last night as a long and hard day closed with me lying in bed. I said kaddish, a Jewish prayer for the dead that I Googled. After, I made a pact with myself. If I can, I will go to another Auschwitz milestone in the future on behalf of the diminishing survivors and I will lead the campaign for my generation and generations after to not forget.

The support of all of you is wonderful, but one comment really stuck with me. My friend Sam thanked me for my work in this field. I had never been thanked so genuinely for doing something I'm passionate about and that comment made my day as did the countless other messages of support.

Thank you.

Auschwitz 70 Commemorative Letter

To all my Facebook friends,

Tomorrow (or tonight) I urge each one of you to take a little bit of time out of your very fulfilling life and remember what this day is all about. January 27th is a very important day to us as a people because we cannot forget that atrocity is all around us, especially in the times we live. January 27th is a day for reflection and to remember the lives lost, not just in the Holocaust, but in any genocide whether it's the Native American genocide or the recent genocides in Rwanda or Cambodia. Genocide is one of the world's saddest concepts and it's such a big concept that we can barely begin to understand it and if we try it crushes us.

I am an ameuter Holocaust historian as you all well know. Some ask why I like this period of time, and honestly that isn't the right word to use and it almost comes off as inappropriate. I don't like this time period at all. I think the acts committed by the Nazis during this period were so unspeakable that no word can sum them up properly. I study this time period because I think the past holds a key to the future. If we repeat the past then we won't have a better future; and like children we won't learn from the mistakes we made in the past and we keep making them. Some people ask me if the Holocaust has affected me directly and the answer is actually yes and it continues to affect me to this day. I am disabled, and the Nazis killed people like me. The Holocaust is wrongly believed by many to be solely part of Jewish history, but it's really a part of world history because countless other groups like Poles, disabled people, homosexuals, political enemies, etc were also targeted in the Nazis' program to purify Europe as they saw fit. I am not Jewish but my best friend is and I can't imagine anyone hurting her or her family. The world needs to realize that the Holocaust holds importance to every person and not just the Jews. If gentiles don't help our Jewish friends with the campaign to remember we will have come nowhere from where we were in the war when most looked the other way.

That is unacceptable.

So why is Auschwitz 70 so significant? We still have survivors with us today but it saddens me that they are slowly diminishing. There will come a time soon when no survivors will be able to gather at Auschwitz like they are doing tomorrow. When that time comes it will be up to us to go on their behalf. It will be up to us to say, "I will not forget. I stand with the victims and survivors to remember." So I ask each one of you to take a minute out of your day to reflect, light a candle, or even just spread the word about why January 27th is so important. I know a whole generation of people that your acknowledgment of tomorrow's significance will mean the world to.

I will say Never Forget and Never Again not just tomorrow but every day. I hope you will as well too.

Thank you for your time.

On Being Unbroken

I'm a writer. I'm an avid reader. Books teach me things about life. I gain something from almost everything I read whether it was academic knowledge or life lessons. Harry Potter for example taught me that friendship and family and love are three of the most important things a person can have. When I first read Laura Hillenbrand's extraordinary biography of Louie Zamperini I learned that you are more resilient that you think. Few of the books I've read in my short existence have changed my life and Unbroken was one. Then the film came out and it sealed the deal.

I went to go see the movie on Christmas break the day after Christmas with my parents and grandparents. My grandpa and dad and I had read the book so we were familiar with Louie's story. My grandpa actually had seen Louie speak in Houston a few months after he read the book. There was a line for the movie even at the theater we had to drive twenty minutes to because it was the only one we could get tickets at for that day. As I sat and watched I was amazed at how well made the film was but I was also amazed how through it all Louie never gave in. At the end of the movie not only had I decided Louie was my hero but there was this moment where the whole theater was silent for a split second and then started applauding. I had never seen that happen and it was so profound. I doubt I ever will see a moment like that in a cinema again.

After seeing the movie I fell in love with the personality of Louie Zamperini (and it also doesn't hurt that he was quite a good looking guy in his youth too!). How someone could have gone through all he did and have the strength to offer forgiveness to those that hurt him as much as they did amazed me. Last year I had some time to extend forgiveness to a few people myself but what they had done was nowhere near on the scale of what Louie forgave. I wish I had gotten a chance to meet Louie. If I did I probably would tell him that he is such an inspiration to my life and hugged him. His story has taught me more about resilience than any other book.

But what does that mean? To be Unbroken? Well, if you think simply it means to be not broken. But as a writer I'm also a self proclaimed philosopher so to me being unbroken goes hand in hand with resilience. Resilience is one of the best weapons a person can wield. It makes individuals amazing and helps them inspire others. To me anyone can be Unbroken if they onn't let anything get to them. Life sucks sometimes but if you can take it you can make it. I've met so many people who have taught me this from a young age but in that theater I knew I chose to be Unbroken for life.

So thank you Laura Hillenbrand for contributing to my self discovery and thank you to Louie for living the life he did and being as amazing as he was. I hope to be half the person he was. 

On Self Love

An article I read on Thought Catalog about a writer who has Cerebral Palsy and his struggle with self love really got me thinking about it. As some of you know I help mentor kids with hemiplegia/hemiparesis/CP and try to help them love themselves early on, because I think self love is a must in life. Some people I speak to about this are adults and even they find it helpful. So without further adieu my writer's mind came up with this.

A Journey to Self Love

By Helon Dobbins

I have had hemiparesis since I was born. It's just been a fact of my life. Despite all the privilege I was fortunate enough to have been raised in the fact remains that I am a disabled American. And I'm proud to be both those things. I'm proud of my country and the history of it and the freedom I have every day but more importantly I am proud to be hemiparetic. Why, you ask? Because it gives me identity. It says I'm a fighter. Some of you know about my recent connection with Unbroken and the reason in part is because I am my own Louie Zamperini. I didn't go through anything near what he did but I certainly have a story and a history that still affects who I am now and will for the rest of my life.

Now, I don't want to sound vain or like I'm seeking pity. I don't want anyone's pity. I'm not writing this because I think it will get liked or shared or commented on. I write this as a response to something I read, and as a writer I like to write. Not always about myself, but n a rare occasion I do. But so many disabled people spike pity, I think, because they can't be comfortable with how they were born and that to the disabled community who has accepted and embraced the way we are is mind boggling.

If you had asked me five years ago at 14 if I loved who I was my response would have been hell no. I was in my awkward teenager phase mixed with the teenage angst phase that was slowly creeping upon me. I dyed my hair (a choice I still love by the way, the only choice from that time in my life I still agree with) and thought that might help me. It didn't. I went through the teen agst hard and for a while at fifteen I thought about killing myself. I really did, and now looking back I'm so glad I didn't. When people say the best has yet to come, they're right.

At that time as a freshman/sophomore in high school some of my friends had boyfriends. I thought, "Who would ever like me or want to go out with me? I'm ugly and half of my body doesn't work like other girls." Boys are idiots (sorry guys reading this) in high school and it takes a good majority of them time to man up. On the other hand, girls can be just as brutal if not more so in high school. Fortunately while I was never teased in high school I was too focused on being how society defined beauty that I didn't stop to think about what a stroke of luck it was that I was not bullied.

When I went to college I go questions as expected because I was meeting new people. Some of the questions were asked after a while of knowing the person who was asking and some were asked up front. I usually don't like the latter since in that situation the question is more likely to come off in a rude manner. In the first situation I would gladly explain and be honest but in the second I would kind of get annoyed. Like, really, is that the first thing you notice? Do you meet my disability before meeting me? Would it be fair if I pointed out your flaws after knowing you for five seconds? Simple answer: no. After something like that exchange happened they would feel bad. I don't usually like making others feel bad but in this case hopefully they learn for next time they might encounter a person who is clearly different from them.

The world spins on tragedy and atrocity. In my life I know this and am not immune to it and there are some nights where at 3 AM I get philosophical and wonder why. People are cruel. The world is wicked. Bad things happen to good people. People close to you will die. War happens often. So does genocide. But if we focus on these things or our own misfortunes constantly it will break us.

The world is also beautiful. If you think at 19 I don't know this you're wrong. I've seen beauty: I see it in a warm summer day, on my college campus every day surrounding me, in my family, in my friends, in opportunity I'm blessed with, in flowers, in music, in writing, on film, etc. These are the things we need to be focused on as times move forward. That will make the world happier.

I realize this is getting kind of off topic, but I have a lot to say. If we, disabled and able bodied people alike, do not love ourselves how are we supposed to love? I don't think you can, but that's one opinion. Everyone is made of love and therefore should share it. Choosing to ignore that is what sparks war and hatred so powerful it has led to some of the most unthinkable crimes.

Back to the original topic, I realize some disabled people struggle with self love and will all their life. I'm not saying it comes easily, but it will come. It may come and go but that's okay. Disabled people should realize we are truly AWESOME and we can do anything despite what others say or when they rudely point out our flaws. If we turn our flaws to strengths we will conquer anything. We already have conquered so much.

My Story

Author's Note: I am not doing this to be vain in any sense of the word, but to inspire others. Everyone has some story that can be used to inspire people and I want to share mine. I hold my heroes in high regards because they (whether they be my mom or a former U.S. President like JFK, Eisenhower  or Reagan) inspire me and I, at my young age of 18, want to inspire others too! Also, May is Pediatric Stroke Awareness Month so I want to share this.

I was born on July 17th 1995 in Atlanta, Georgia. My story really starts before that in May of that year when an automobile accident my mom was in changed my life. Of course I wasn't born yet, but that event would be central to a story that I have to tell. Sad part aside, the doctors attending to my mom were clever enough to figure out that some damage had been done to me that had caused a bleed in the brain. I'm not certain what kind/how severe it was but I'd like to know one day for reference's sake.

They ran a lot of tests and threw out estimations of what the affects of the stroke I had would be. The thing about strokes is that you never know how they'll affect someone for certain. I've read tons of stories of kids who had strokes way worse than me. So in a way, I really lucked out. That said, when I was finally born I was diagnosed with left hemiparesis (Hemiparesis is a Greek term for one sided weakness), hydrocephalus (again throwing some Greek in, hydrocephalus means water on the brain), and visual problems.

I started a therapy regime, of which I don't recall much, that lasted from age six months to about eleven or twelve years old (maybe thirteen at the latest). We had me go to clinics, and even had therapists come to our house a few times a week. I wore foot braces called AFOs and hand splints. Therapy wasn't exactly daunting to me; some of it was kind of fun like playing on the balance beam my dad built for me, or with the little red and yellow cars one of my therapists had or the "Reach for Edward" game at my last therapy center (a game which I have no further comment upon, because Edward was an Edward Cullen from Twilight I used to carry around back in the Twilight Craze days).

Visually, I've gotten tons better. I used to be legally blind- 20/200 vision, but now I'm sitting at about 20/50 which works fine with me. I wear glasses and misplace them just as often! In 1997 I had strabismus surgery and will most likely receive it again this summer (despite my innate hatred of medical professionals as a whole entity).

School passed normally for me and I never really had trouble with anything but math, but isn't that what calculators are for? I have had great friends whom I love dearly. This fall I will be attending Young Harris College to study English and Holocaust studies to get ready to work at a museum. When people ask why the Holocaust all I'll say is that I can connect with the stories of tragedy that ultimately ended well. I have a lot of fun exploring new things and going into them 110%!

I also love writing because it's a great creative outlet. Another reason I'm lucky to be a writer is that I can see my stories come alive in my head like films because I type them slowly (I type with my right index finger only, by the way) so that's REALLY COOL to me to slow down and watch a story unfold before my eyes. I have a book already self published and one being considered by Baen Books for publication.

No story, I think, would be complete without the love and support of my amazing family and friends. You all are everything to me and more.