On Self Love

An article I read on Thought Catalog about a writer who has Cerebral Palsy and his struggle with self love really got me thinking about it. As some of you know I help mentor kids with hemiplegia/hemiparesis/CP and try to help them love themselves early on, because I think self love is a must in life. Some people I speak to about this are adults and even they find it helpful. So without further adieu my writer's mind came up with this.

A Journey to Self Love

By Helon Dobbins

I have had hemiparesis since I was born. It's just been a fact of my life. Despite all the privilege I was fortunate enough to have been raised in the fact remains that I am a disabled American. And I'm proud to be both those things. I'm proud of my country and the history of it and the freedom I have every day but more importantly I am proud to be hemiparetic. Why, you ask? Because it gives me identity. It says I'm a fighter. Some of you know about my recent connection with Unbroken and the reason in part is because I am my own Louie Zamperini. I didn't go through anything near what he did but I certainly have a story and a history that still affects who I am now and will for the rest of my life.

Now, I don't want to sound vain or like I'm seeking pity. I don't want anyone's pity. I'm not writing this because I think it will get liked or shared or commented on. I write this as a response to something I read, and as a writer I like to write. Not always about myself, but n a rare occasion I do. But so many disabled people spike pity, I think, because they can't be comfortable with how they were born and that to the disabled community who has accepted and embraced the way we are is mind boggling.

If you had asked me five years ago at 14 if I loved who I was my response would have been hell no. I was in my awkward teenager phase mixed with the teenage angst phase that was slowly creeping upon me. I dyed my hair (a choice I still love by the way, the only choice from that time in my life I still agree with) and thought that might help me. It didn't. I went through the teen agst hard and for a while at fifteen I thought about killing myself. I really did, and now looking back I'm so glad I didn't. When people say the best has yet to come, they're right.

At that time as a freshman/sophomore in high school some of my friends had boyfriends. I thought, "Who would ever like me or want to go out with me? I'm ugly and half of my body doesn't work like other girls." Boys are idiots (sorry guys reading this) in high school and it takes a good majority of them time to man up. On the other hand, girls can be just as brutal if not more so in high school. Fortunately while I was never teased in high school I was too focused on being how society defined beauty that I didn't stop to think about what a stroke of luck it was that I was not bullied.

When I went to college I go questions as expected because I was meeting new people. Some of the questions were asked after a while of knowing the person who was asking and some were asked up front. I usually don't like the latter since in that situation the question is more likely to come off in a rude manner. In the first situation I would gladly explain and be honest but in the second I would kind of get annoyed. Like, really, is that the first thing you notice? Do you meet my disability before meeting me? Would it be fair if I pointed out your flaws after knowing you for five seconds? Simple answer: no. After something like that exchange happened they would feel bad. I don't usually like making others feel bad but in this case hopefully they learn for next time they might encounter a person who is clearly different from them.

The world spins on tragedy and atrocity. In my life I know this and am not immune to it and there are some nights where at 3 AM I get philosophical and wonder why. People are cruel. The world is wicked. Bad things happen to good people. People close to you will die. War happens often. So does genocide. But if we focus on these things or our own misfortunes constantly it will break us.

The world is also beautiful. If you think at 19 I don't know this you're wrong. I've seen beauty: I see it in a warm summer day, on my college campus every day surrounding me, in my family, in my friends, in opportunity I'm blessed with, in flowers, in music, in writing, on film, etc. These are the things we need to be focused on as times move forward. That will make the world happier.

I realize this is getting kind of off topic, but I have a lot to say. If we, disabled and able bodied people alike, do not love ourselves how are we supposed to love? I don't think you can, but that's one opinion. Everyone is made of love and therefore should share it. Choosing to ignore that is what sparks war and hatred so powerful it has led to some of the most unthinkable crimes.

Back to the original topic, I realize some disabled people struggle with self love and will all their life. I'm not saying it comes easily, but it will come. It may come and go but that's okay. Disabled people should realize we are truly AWESOME and we can do anything despite what others say or when they rudely point out our flaws. If we turn our flaws to strengths we will conquer anything. We already have conquered so much.